Excerpts from Insanity: Day Two…

2009 March 25
by Dante

Tonight was the finale of our all-bard D&D session. We were graced by many hilarious events, which included a drop-in by Dave The Game from Critical Hits. Skype is a wonderful thing, and I really appreciated Dave stopping in!

Below you will find a continuation of my tweet-stream from yesterday. WARNING: OFFENSIVE CONTENT BELOW.

Golden Harvest Music Festival: The Saga Continues

OK, we have started D&D Round 2 of our game. They wake up, eat “bacon and funnel cake” and are now fighting a flaming hippy. Yes, really.

The other hippies have now lit on fire. Our two bards have vowed to never play this festival again.

The burning hippies now smell like burning hair and feet.

Still fighting burning hippies, which have now been reduced to burning skeletons.

The hippy knapsacks hold three small bags of acrid looking weed, 120 gp, some cloaks, and a picture of someone who looks like @DaveTheGame.

@geeksdreamgirl is beating @stupidranger in the “Most Enemies Killed” contest. They’re arguing about this now, just like Goliaths should.

This is the only time in history where calling your wife a Goliath isn’t going to result in multiple spiral fractures of your skeleton.

“That’s a pretty lame talent. My talent is kicking ass.” –@geeksdreamgirl

The original talent was @stupidranger ‘s belching.

We are now taking a campaign break in order to have Spring Funfetti Cake. Mmm… cake. The girls are calling it “+5 cakefetti of funness”

@geeksdreamgirl is graphically explaining to me a penis cake pan that a friend of hers had. Seasonal penis cakes, at that.

Now they’re trying to find @DaveTheGame in this crowd. Why must they latch on to this useless bit of flavor? Now I have to roleplay Dave.

I have cast @DaveTheGame as the hippy’s drug dealer, and the girls just said “we should tell him his weed is giving people flaming boners.”

Also, in case anyone is curious: @DaveTheGame is apparently the hunkiest man in the RPG Blogosphere.

Now we’re discussing the other men in the RPG Blogosphere. Apparently its good to be Yax.

“We got tingly britches looking @DaveTheGame ” -@geeksdreamgirl

@DaveTheGame just joined us via Skype

Referring to the food vendor: “Were you all over his bacon?” @stupidranger: “No, I was just in it for the funnel.”

“Is this bacon funnel cake vegetarian?” -@DaveTheGame

Now they are discussing the new information provided by @DaveTheGame. I think they’re going to try to Diplomacy some other NPC into bed.

They’ve decided to name their group “The Horny Bitches”.

They want you all to know that their bards play horns. And they are bitches.

@stupidranger : “We’re going to share a teabag.”

Oh good, now they’re re-enacting the iocaine powder scene of Princess Bride over their cups of tea.

Cassini is almost dead, so hopefully we’ll return to our scheduled session soon.

They’ve sweet-talked their way on stage with their nemesis’s big show tonight. Little do they know its going to be crazy. Mwhahaha.

“I love my horn, but I don’t spoon it at night.” That one was a joint effort between both @stupidranger and @geeksdreamgirl.

They’re grilling Jekk’s wife, who tells them a sordid tale about some elders that commissioned him for the show and didn’t show up to watch.

Now they’re finally connecting some of the plot dots, I love it when a plan comes together!

Now they’re proposing offering him a lesbian threesome in order to lure Jekk into a position where they can steal his magic lute.

My mistake, it would be a foursome because they aim to include Jekk’s wife. Fantastic.

Oh good, now they’re coming up with a more reasonable plan. That’s good.

Jekk just unleashed a void full of demons, to cleanse and punish the chaotic crowd as he was instructed to do.

Now @geeksdreamgirl is aiming to destroy the magical lute that is holding the rift open.

One of the roadies is throwing in to help them fight the Big Bads

They’re having a discussion about Bobo the Invisible One-Eyed Bear and how @geekdreamgirl ‘s character should love him during the battle.

Woooo! @stupidranger just critted him in his face!

They have won the day and destroyed the evil bard/galeb duhr in disguise!

And they destroyed the lute, sucking all of the bad demons back to the plane from whence they came!

*cue victory music and roll credits*

4 Responses leave one →
  1. Geek's Dream Girl permalink
    March 25, 2009

    Best D&D Game, ever. Especially the cameo by Dave. 🙂

  2. benpop permalink
    March 26, 2009

    The part with the hippies reminds me of Kingdom of Loathing. Hell, the whole thing reminds me of KoL.

    Definitely sounds like fun and lots of it. *itching to play a bard*

  3. Dave The Game permalink
    March 26, 2009

    Glad to have been a guest star in the craziness. Even though my super power of making girls clam up when I arrived kicked in.

  4. ChattyDM permalink
    March 29, 2009

    Man! This was amazing… I hope to be part of the Encore at Gen Con this year. I’ll most likely play a Mime Bard since I already professed my lack of love for that amazing class.


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