‘Twas The Night Before Game Night

2008 December 23
by Vanir

Twas the night before game night
and on his PC
the DM was scheming
to kill you and me

Three traps were set
at the entrance with care
with hopes that the rogue
would not find them there

The CR’s were set
about seven too high
and the players, he thought,
were destined to die

Through pit traps and owlbears
through freakish large kobolds
through mephits on crack rock
and axe-wielding stirges

Suddenly ghostly white vapor appeared
And swirled ’round his feet, as he saved vs Fear

The spirit jangled etherial chains,
“I am the Spirit of Awful Campaigns!”

“You spend all your time crafting mayhem and doom,
and yet not one player has fun in this room!”

“Give them a challenge, but still make it fun.
Encourage roleplaying from everyone.”

The spirit fell silent, bathed in dim light,
and just then the DM’s rebuttal took flight.

“I’ve tried for years, but they just won’t budge.
They just make fart jokes and eat E.L. Fudge.”

“They ignore my puzzles.
My plots are dismantled
They min-max. They rules-lawyer.
I’m +5 disgruntled!”

The spirit then nodded and reached in its pocket,
filling the heart of the DM with fear
But all that came out was one social contract
“This should evoke much more roleplaying cheer.”

“Steroidal beholders are not a solution,
and neither are mindflayers armed with C4.
You’ll both give and take, and set down the ground rules
and quite soon your issues shall be no more.”

With that the spirit faded away,
and the DM’s CHA score gained three points that day.
And laying a pencil atop of their sheets,
the players were awarded two bonus feats.

And the DM told all,
as the players arrived
“Happy game night to all!
Please try to survive.”

5 Responses leave one →
  1. SirGeekelot permalink
    December 23, 2008

    This is easily the most brilliant thing posted on this site. Congrats. I LOL’d, for real.

  2. Mad Brew permalink
    December 23, 2008

    Friggin’ awesome. I’m printing this out and hanging it in the game room!

  3. Donny_the_Dm permalink
    December 23, 2008

    I just LoL’ed all over myself…I liked this shirt!

  4. Tony R. permalink
    December 23, 2008

    I basically want to make out with you now.

  5. hellonhairylegs permalink
    December 29, 2008

    Nice. I’m totally giving that to my Dad who DMs in the way you described in the first part of the song.

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