Draconic Thanksgiving

2008 November 26
by Stupid Ranger

Once upon a time in a faraway village, the citizens lived in constant fear of attacked by the local dragon. While the dragon had not attacked in the village in all the years anyone could remember, there were stories told by the elders of their grand-parents’ days of gruesome, dragon-related deaths. No one could actually claim that the local dragon featured in any of the stories, but the current generation, sure that the dragon’s taste for livestock would evolve into a taste for villager-stock, decided that after completing the harvest, they would mount an expedition to the dragon’s lair to eradicate the threat once and for all.

The dragon, possessed of exceptional hearing, overheard the plans as he was selecting a tasty morsel from the herd of cattle grazing just outside the village. He was outraged, as he considered himself to be a great neighbor, dining only on livestock and keeping more aggressive dragons out of the area. While he did not want to destroy the villagers (who else would provide him with such tasty cattle?), he was not sure how to proceed. So he went back to his lair to ponder his predicament.

The villagers mounted their expedition a few days later. Waving pitch forks and torches, they climbed the mountain trails to reach the dragon’s lair, only to find it empty. When they turned around to head back to the village, they found their path blocked by the dragon. This was when they realized that a flying dragon may be a terrible sight to behold, but a dragon up close is much more terrifying.

Most of the raiding villagers scattered, seeking shelter behind rocks, trees and each other, trying to find indirect paths back to the village. One man, however, stood his ground in the middle of the path. “Oh, Dragon,” he said, “We are here to bring eternal peace to our village by destroying you. Yield to us now.”

The dragon raised his eyebrow at this speech, taking in the absurdity of the speaker’s situation. “Oh, Human,” he replied, “I will not yield for my destruction will bring not eternal peace but many years of heartache and despair. For upon my death, another, more terrible dragon will take my place.”

The speaker looked around for his fellow companions, uncomfortable with this turn of events. Another, more terrible option had not been considered. Realizing that he was in this alone, that all of the other villagers had fled, he shuffled his feet, digging in the loose dirt with the toe of his boot. “We cannot allow you to live for fear of our lives, yet we cannot survive a more terrible dragon. What solution do you propose for resolving this impasse?”

The dragon refrained from stating the obvious, that he had never taken a life of a villager. Instead, he attempted to reason with the speaker. “If it is only fear of your lives that prevents us from being neighbors, perhaps we can reach a compromise. If I swear only to eat your livestock and never your families, can you swear on behalf of the village to leave me in peace?”

The speaker appeared thoughtful for several moments, knowing that the decision he made would affect the entire village for many, many years to come. The fear of a more terrible dragon, however, forced him to consider this compromise as the best possible option. “I swear, on behalf of the entire village, that so long as you only dine upon livestock, no action will be taken against you by our citizens.”

Making it official, the dragon stated, “I do so swear to only dine upon livestock.” Both the speaker and the dragon smiled, the dragon only a little to avoid showing too many teeth. Then the dragon proposed a feast to celebrate this newly established peace. The speaker promised a spectacular feast in three days’ time and returned to the village to share the good news. While many still gazed fearfully upon the mountainous trail leading to the dragon’s lair, most were willing to accept peace at the price of a cow.

And so, when the sun rose on the third day, the dragon carefully settled himself in the field and shared a spectacular feast featuring the fruits of the harvest. And thus, all were happy, especially the dragon, who had become quite found of cattle.

2 Responses leave one →
  1. Geek's Dream Girl permalink
    November 26, 2008

    awwww, that’s the cutest Thanksgiving story ever. Makes me feel guilty about what I’m going to post tomorrow. Hahahhahahha…

  2. Donny_the_Dm permalink
    November 26, 2008

    …and the Dragon went to the feast, and was fed a cow exhibiting strange behavior.

    Weeks later, the now “mad” Dragon lay in it’s lair, twitching in a pile of it’s own offal. As he lay miserably, an especially evil dragon from the north arrived to challenge him for his home.

    The new dragon easily slew the old, and ate him, bones and all…only to fall ill as well.

    And now the peasant’s great-grandchildren live in peace, dragon-free, as it soon became known that you don’t fuck with peasants.

    Great story! But my golden rule is: If you bust out a Dragon, ?SOMEONE has to die!

    Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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