Roleplayers Trying to Survive the Office

2008 September 30
by Stupid Ranger

I came to the realization that my desk has actually been overrun with tiny paper elementals that are constantly in battle for supremacy of my work space.

For those of you who haven’t imagined the horror of my desk, it is in fact covered with several piles of paper which are growing at a distressing rate (the aforementioned paper elementals). They have taken over all visible flat surfaces of my desk, four in-boxes, three file cabinet drawers, and they are making serious inroads in their goal to take over the floor space surrounding my chair.

I joined in battle and attempted to eradicate this infestation, and what a spectacular battle it was. I subdued many of paper elementals with the use of my +1 Stapler of Organization, which does not completely eliminate the problem but certainly makes it easier to manage.

The paper elementals fought back valiantly, summoning assistance from the distant lands of the Fax Machine and the Email, and both factions provided reinforcements when the battle looked to be turning to my favor. In the end, I took 1d4 damage to the webbing of my left thumb as one of the tricky little devils bit me.

It is with a heavy heart that I report on my inability to properly defeat this infestation of the paper elementals. It is my hope that when I re-join battle, I will be able to summon the divine power of the Document Retention God, who will grant me the ability to throw away these horrible little monsters.

Pray for me, friends, that I may be victorious.

7 Responses leave one →
  1. Ben Overmyer permalink
    September 30, 2008

    I recommend getting ahold of a +3 Cylinder of Disintegration, if you don’t have one already, and donating half your paper to it.


    If it’s not important in 30 minutes, file it in the perma-outbox.

  2. PatrickWR permalink
    September 30, 2008

    They’re vulnerable to fire.

  3. Stupid Ranger permalink
    September 30, 2008

    @Ben: I only have a masterwork cylinder, so that may explain why it hasn’t been very effective against them.

    @Patrick: LOL!!

  4. Tom permalink
    September 30, 2008

    I recommend making camp near the Potion of Haste dispenser and keeping your Vorpal Shredder well-oiled.

    (Just watch out for the TPS Reports of Time Devouring!)

  5. Joey permalink
    September 30, 2008

    Those pesky creatures from the E-Mail can normally be ignored for a short period of time. Just remember they breed like rabbits so you can’t ignore them for long or else they will have breed a mighty large army.

    The portal to the land of Faxes can be cut off, however it will anger you fellow party members and all those NPCs you met along the way and those you might want to meet

    I reccomend a +2 Vorpal Shredder and a +1 match of flame is excellent to make use of their vulnerability to fire

  6. Ravyn permalink
    September 30, 2008

    Clearly the paper elementals are chaotic in their own right; perhaps an Axiomatic Shredder may suit your purposes better. I also recommend, if you can get them, Handy Baskets with a base just large enough to fit the paper. While they may not actually get rid of it, they will confine the stack to a more ordered arrangement, decreasing its effective size and thereby limiting its power.

    Upon thee I bestow the Librarian’s Blessing (…okay, the Level 1 version, I was never more than an aide), that thy information seek its rightful place in the Organization by which we live. May the Filing System be with you!

  7. Stupid Ranger permalink
    October 1, 2008

    Thanks for all the advise, friends. I have managed to subdue the paper elementals; I may just survive this!!

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