If Andrew Lloyd Webber Was a DM

2008 June 17
by Stupid Ranger

Over the weekend, to assuage my need for a movie late at night, I popped in the Phantom of the Opera DVD. As has happened in the past, I began to identify the story elements as roleplaying elements. And I realized that Phantom of the Opera movie is obviously a 3.5 D&D campaign with Andrew Lloyd Webber as DM.

Here’s the Story, D&D Style

The Phantom is a bard. He uses some mad Disguise skills to hide his horrible scars, and he obviously took the Skill Focus: Cape Flourish feat. He uses his Bardic Music to Fascinate and Suggest to Christine, that he is a angel and she should love him. She fails her Will Save and totally believes him.

Then, Raoul comes along. He’s a rival bard, who uses his Bardic Music to Fascinate and Suggest to Christine that the “angel” is not to be trusted and she should love him instead. She fails her Will Save and totally believes him instead.

There’s some crazy “who’s better than whom” battling, with music and rapiers and such. After leveling up, the Phantom rolls very, very well on his Craft: Opera roll, and Christine is cast as the lead. On opening night, the Phantom pulls out his Disguise Kit and joins her on stage after he kills the other guy, then kidnaps her via the conveniently placed trap door and whisks her away to his lair. Raoul tries to follow, but he fails his Reflex save when he triggers a trap door. He falls into a pit of water, but he makes his Swim check and manages to escape. He eventually finds the Phantom’s lair.

There’s more singing, and each of the bards tries to cancel out the other’s Bardic Music. Christine finally makes a few Will Saves and realizes that the Phantom really isn’t the catch he wanted her to believe he was. Raoul and Christine escape to live happily ever after, while the Phantom disappears into oblivion.

Then, Andrew Lloyd Webber takes down his DM screen and says, “Well, that’s that. Good job, everyone! Next time, we’re playing 4E, which means you can’t be bards, so email me your new character concepts.”

One Response leave one →
  1. Benjamin permalink
    June 18, 2008

    Totally awesome.

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