Things You Should Never, Ever Do

2008 February 5
by Dante

This post actually comes from a relatively weird place. You see, my good friend Vanir was scoping out Living Dice and linked me to a story where they were discussing the creepiest or most disgusting gamers that people have ever come across in their travels. After reading a few of these I was shocked… I thought that gamers like this were overblown stereotypes, misconceptions concocted by those that don’t understand our ways.

I was appalled to behold the tale of Jack. This single story has eroded my faith in our subculture’s ability to conduct itself.

Please allow me to lay a few things out for you all.

We aren’t the largest site on the Internet, however there is a somewhat increased chance that the Jack’s of the world might be reading this site so there are a few things that I have to say.

  1. Wear deodorant – They tell you this in the GenCon Book every year, and its not a funny joke. If you don’t shower every day of the convention, at least have the decency to fall on top of some SpeedStick or spray yourself with some Axe before you leave the hotel in teh morning.

    GenCon is a very magical place, however it does not prevent you from sweating if you are normally susceptible to perspiration. Magic like that cannot be contained by the RCA Dome.

  2. I can’t believe I have to spell this out, but don’t crap yourself around others. Now, I’ve been known to bust some stink occasionally, but if you know there’s a greater than 70% chance that The Real Deal will occur, go to the can.

    And I promise you this: if I am at the gaming table with you at GenCon and you crap your pants and don’t have a medical reason to do so, I’m going to punch you in the throat. Adult human beings should not need to have this explained to them.

  3. Don’t be annoying. This is a general rule, but applies to the rest of the areas of nuance that I don’t have the bandwidth to elaborate upon here: Just because you think its ok doesn’t mean that it is.

    Jack’s story had me really taking stock of my annoying habits, thankfully I don’t believe that I or any of my campaign-mates have flaws as grandiose as ol’ Jack. A little introspection can’t hurt though… try and rank the top three things that you do that might offend sensibilities, and do the rest of society a favor and work on these things a little bit.

    I’ll even start for you: aside from the aforementioned relieving of gas, I sometimes make large scale crude and/or offensive jokes during our gaming session. Most of our group doesn’t mind these things, but I’m aware of it to know when enough is enough (most of the time). Acknowledging it is the first step to eliminating it, so I suggest some stock-taking occur for the better good.

    For the record: that includes answering nature’s call in front of other humans with reckless abandon.

I hope I don’t have to revisit this topic.

There are many other rules that dictate common social graces that nerds need to examine, but I hope we don’t have to start a regular feature here about what not to do when around other members of the human race.

If you want a little continued reading on the matter, visit the forum I linked above and read all about the worst of the worst. If you recognize yourself in any of those stories, change your freaking behavior!

6 Responses leave one →
  1. David permalink
    February 6, 2008

    Come to think of it… you HAVE been known to bust a stink every now and then. Truer words rarely spoken.

  2. Younce permalink
    February 6, 2008

    #2, OMG! I’m dyin!

    Gotta tell you, with GenCon coming up, nothing tis truer than #1.

    Also, with Gencon coming up, let me add a #4, or a #3b, as you prefer:

    “Shut the FRACK UP!” I don’t want to know about your Yu-Gi-Oh, I don’t want to hear about the last game you ran/played/watched, I don’t give a rat’s ass about how you did on Guitar Hero III. Now shut up and go do something useful, like talk to that other dork over there whose evil little inner voice is whispering, that guy over there. You know he wants to hear about my character.”

  3. ChattyDM permalink
    February 6, 2008

    I’m a Magic the Gathering tournament Veteran, gamer funk rules the day…

    You’re making me think again about the whole Gencon thing…


    Phil puts 4 bars of soap and 2 deodorant sticks in luggage

  4. Dante permalink
    February 6, 2008

    Younce, great point!

    I can remember several times during the con last year when I was tired, my back hurt from carrying my bag and walking around the convention center all day and some guy would walk up and want to talk to me about some things that I really, really didn’t care about.

    I have found that these people tend to not breathe like a normal person after they have launched into a tirade such as this, and it often comes down to me zoning out or just plain being rude and walking away. Both of these things I have done on a regular basis.

  5. Vanir permalink
    February 7, 2008

    My very first Gen Con back in 1997, I was on the sales floor and I saw this morbidly obese man walk past me with a towel around his neck.

    Then I smelled what appeared to be citrus banana pepperoni death, and I had to make a FORT save to remain standing.

    NOTHING smells like Nerd Whiff.


  6. Darvin permalink
    February 15, 2008

    I just threw up in my mouth a little after reading about Jack.

Leave a Reply

Note: You can use basic XHTML in your comments. Your email address will never be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS