You need to realize that your boyfriend is a monster, and monsters need big piles of loot lying around the place. A monster that’s not defending a big pile of loot is saying, “Look at me, I’m not even worth trying to kill and take my stuff.”

Now, you can work around this tendency with better organizational skills. For your boyfriend’s messy wand collection, consider a Tenser’s Floating Hedgehog pincushion-style holder. The bones and armor fragments, instead of cluttering up your living room, can be deployed outside the entrance to your lair. With the right eye to design and sense of style, you might even get people thinking it’s a rock garden.

Yours,
Popular Monster’s Magazine